The New Adventures of Celestia and Luna
by llxxRawr its Beansxxll
Summary: Based on 'Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V'. I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

Narrator: The new adventures of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. In a familiar square, in a familiar part of town, a call goes out in frustration.

Dr. Whooves: Will you hurry up?!

Narrator: A call that would normally be answered by Equestria's reigning royalty. If they weren't the ones causing the problem.

The two princesses were at the front of a line that stretched all the way around Sugarcube Corner and into Pinkie's store.

Celestia: Let's see…I want a…no, I want a…um…hmm…

Twilight: Princess, will you please order already? You're holding up the line!

Pinkie: (whispering) Psst. Hey, Princess. Get a cupcake.

Celestia: I've made my decision!

Line of ponies: Hooray!

Celestia: One cupcake for me and a pipsqueak cupcake for Luna.

Luna: Now, wait just a darned minute!

Line of ponies: Aww!

Luna: I don't want a pipsqueak cupcake! I want an adult-sized cupcake!

Celestia: The adult cupcake is too big for you. You'll never finish it.

Luna: Don't you see what you're doing?! You're treating me like a foal!

Applejack: The filly's eyes are bigger than 'er stomach.

That arises a snicker from the Mane 6.

Luna: And that's another thing: I'm not a filly! I'm the one that raises the moon and brings out the night so that you ungrateful ponies can sleep!

Pinkie: (laughing) One pipsqueak cupcake…and your bib and high chair!

Pinkie can't hold it in anymore and bursts out laughing.

Luna: I'm 1,500 years old and I want an adult-sized cupcake!

Celestia: Your pipsqueak is getting cold…shall I feed you?

Luna: Feed this, old woman!

She slaps the cupcake out of her hoof, arising a gasp from the Mane 6.

Luna: I'm tired of playing second-in-command to a Princess who wears a tiara! From now on, I want to be called Queen Luna! And I'm through helping citizens that don't respect me!

Twilight: I respect you, Queen Luna!

Luna: That's Princess Luna, I mean, Queen! I…oh, forget it, ponies. If you're not going to give me the respect I want as a princess, then maybe you'll give me respect as a villain! A villain who is…

A ball of lightning surrounds Luna, turning her into her Nightmare Moon persona.

Luna: EEEEEEEEEEVIIIIIIIIILLLL!

Twilight: Evil?!

Rest of the Mane 6: Evil?!

Princess Celestia is asleep at the time, but Twilight slaps her awake.

Celestia: EEEEEEVIIIIIILLLL!

Luna: I'm crossing over to the dark side.

She points to the dark side of Ponyville while the Elements of Harmony glare at Mayor Mare.

Mayor Mare: Why would I waste money lighting the whole town?

A dark cloud comes in, then disappears, revealing the two dirtiest villains in Equestria.

Queen Chrysalis: Did somepony say evil?!

Pinkie: Holy hay bacon strips! It's the Princess' arch enemies: King Sombra and Queen Chrysalis!

Luna: Nighty-night, you old goat!

She disappears with the two villains.

Celestia: Nighty-night… (to Fluttershy) Will you tuck me in?

News Reporter: We interrupt your bleak and meaningless lives for this news report: King Sombra…Queen Chrysalis…and now, for the dark side, Princess Luna…

Luna: _Queen _Luna!

News Reporter: …have been committing a series of crimes in Ponyville and surrounding areas.

Luna: Shh.

The three ring the doorbell to a house and run away as fast as they can.

Carrot Top: I'll get you crazy kids!

News Reporter: These three have named their new alliance: Every Villain Is Lemons, also known as E.V.I.L! What can we do? When will this crime wave end? How will we defeat the evil? Why am I asking you all these questions?! Princess Celestia, where are you?!

Twilight again slaps Princess Celestia from her nap.

Celestia: I'm right here! Don't worry, my little ponies! Nothing will stop me from defeating E.V.I.L! Nothing!

Twilight: Wait, Princess, we have to use the Elements of-

It was too late. Princess Celestia had already ran outside and to an approaching ice cream cart.

Celestia: Ice cream? I love ice cream!

She gallops up to the cart and to three shady-looking vendors.

Celestia: A double scoop of prune with bran sprinkles, please.

She begins to lick the ice cream with a burning fuse on it, which blows up. The Princess is shown with a large hole in her stomach.

Celestia: It goes right through me every time.

E.V.I.L is shown as the three ice cream vendors.

Luna: You might as well give up, my sister, because there are three of us and only one of you. You don't stand a chance!

Luna teleports them away, leaving Pinkie to enjoy the ice cream.

Fluttershy: Are you okay, Princess? Oh, how are you going to beat those three all by yourself?

Celestia: You're right. I give up.

Rainbow Dash: You can't give up! What if we help you?!

Celestia: No, no, that's a terrible idea. But what if _you _help _me_?

Twilight: That's what I've been trying to tell you-

Celestia: Who wants to save Equestria?!

Pinkie: I do!

Rarity: I do!

Rainbow Dash: I do!

Applejack: Ah do!

Twilight: I do!

Fluttershy: (scared) I don't.

Rainbow Dash: Oh, yes, you do! No world means no animals! Now, go save the world, or your precious critters will die.

She emits a high-pitched frightened squeak.

Clelestia: Then it's settled. To the castle!

Batman-like scene change to the castle.

Pinkie: Wow! The castle!

Twilight: We've seen this a million times, Pinkie.

The Princess opens the box containing the Elements.

Celestia: Luna and I made these Elements ourselves. They belonged to various embodiments of the Elements of Harmony before you.

Twilight: Wow! The original Elements were the most heroic heroes ever! And they had the best lunchbox!

Celestia: Once you put on these Elements, their fantastic powers will become yours.

Applejack: Uh, yeah, we've been through this before, let's just do this.

Celestia: Yep, power's all in the Element. I mean, why else would we run around in colored necklaces?

Rarity: I can think of three good reasons.

A few hours later, they are all sitting around a table, with Princess Celestia at the head.

Celestia: So, it's settled then. We'll get one cheese pizza, one with dandelions and mushrooms, and one with olives.

The screen in front of the table turns to a live-action Lauren Faust.

Lauren Faust: Ponies, we need your help.

Pinkie: Holy sugary treats! It's the chief!

Lauren Faust: Thank you for the introduction, Pinkie, but we all know who I am. More importantly, we've found information on the whereabouts of E.V.I.L.

Applejack: You can just tell us where they are, Chief, and we'll hog-tie 'em faster than you can say "Appleoosa".

Lauren Faust: Our sources last found E.V.I.L harassing teenagers up at Make-Out Point. You know, Make-Out Point?

She makes out with herself and laughs maniacally.

Pinkie: Flopping falafel, Princess! Make-Out Point!

Celestia: Those fiends! Attacking hormonally stressed-out children!

Rainbow Dash: Ah, Make-Out Point. Good times. Good times.

Celestia: To Make-Out Point! Away!

Pinkie: Does this mean we're not getting pizza?

Batman cutscene to Lyra and Bon-Bon sitting on a rock together and begging E.V.I.L to stop pointing a flashlight at them.

E.V.I.L: Lyra and Bon-Bon sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!

Queen Chrysalis: Oh! Shine the flashlight over there, King Sombra!

King Sombra: Haha, with pleasure!

He shines the flashlight to reveal Spike making out with a pillow with Rarity drawn on it.

Spike: Hey, man, that's not cool.

Celestia: You leave those young lovers alone!

King Sombra: Well, if it isn't Princess Molestia! You've saved us the trouble of tracking you down!

Celestia: You know I'm not proud of that name! And you fiends can't win, you're outnumbered!

Queen Chrysalis: You senile bag of manure! There are three of us and only one of you!

A flash of multicolor sits beside the Princess.

Rainbow Dash: Make that two!

King Sombra: Rainbow Dash!

A yellow Pegasus quietly slunks beside the Princess.

Fluttershy: Three.

Luna: Fluttershy!

A pink Earth pony bounces to her place.

Pinkie: Four!

Queen Chrysalis: Pinkie Pie!

Applejack: Five!

Luna: Applejack!

Rarity: Six!

King Sombra: Rarity!

Twilight Sparkle: Seven!

E.V.I.L: Twilight Sparkle!

Celestia: And me makes ten, I think.

King Sombra: Uh-oh. I don't have a good feeling about this.

Luna: Oh, there goes our toy deal.

Twilight: Okay, girls. Are you ready?

They try to activate their Elements, but nothing happens.

Twilight: Princess, what happened to the Elements?!

She inspects them closer.

Celestia: Ohh, those aren't the Elements of Harmony. Those are the leftover necklaces from Princess Cadence's wedding.

Rainbow Dash: Wha…?! Are you serious?!

E.V.I.L bursts out laughing.

Twilight: There's still hope, girls! Let's just go back, get the Elements of Harmony, and-

Fluttershy: That seems like a bad idea, Twilight.

Queen Chrysalis: Yes, we could easily destroy Equestria in your absence. Looks like you…lose.

Rarity: Wait, Twilight, all hope is not lost.

She hands her a piece of paper with various designs of superheroes.

Rarity: I sketched out these designs while you were ordering pizza. I used a bit of unicorn magic on them, so they should give us superpowers.

Twilight: That sounds great, Rarity, but-

Rarity: I have the outfits right here! It's worth a shot, at least.

Twilight: (sighs) Okay, whatever. Let's just do this.

Shows Rainbow Dash in a spandex superhero outfit.

Narrator: The Quickster! With the ability to fly really…quick!

Rainbow Dash: Wanna see me fly to that rock? (does nothing) Wanna see me do it again?

Narrator: Captain Magma! Get her angry, and she's bound to erupt!

Fluttershy: Krakatoa!

She shoots lava out of the volcano on her head.

Narrator: The Elastic Waistband, able to stretch her body into various shapes and forms.

Pinkie: I can finally touch my hooves!

She stretches her hind legs over the back of her and to her front hooves.

Narrator: Miss Appear! Now, you see her…Now, you don't.

Rarity: Does this outfit make me look fat?

Narrator: The Sonic Kick! Her strength is so powerful, that it can shatter a colt's waist in one buck!

Applejack trots over to a tree and splits it in half by bucking it, allowing Applebloom to gather the apples.

Applejack: These ain't permanent, are they, Rarity?

Rarity: Of course not, dear. When you take the outfit off, the superpowers are gone.

Narrator: And Twilight Xavier! She has the knowledge of some of the most brilliant minds in history!

Twilight: (3x^2-27)divided by 4) times (8x^2) divided by(9-3x) divided by (x^2+3x) divided by 6 is equal to 12x.

Rainbow Dash was holding her head in pain, trying to process the information that Twilight had uttered.

Narrator: The Equestrian Justice League of Friends! A subsidiary of Hasbro.

Celestia: EJLOF! Attack!

Luna: Oh, no, please! Mercy!

Fluttershy: Krakatoa!

She shoots lava out of her head, which lands on Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!

She flies fast in a circle, trying to get the hot lave off her.

Fluttershy: Oh, Rainbow Dash, I'm so sorry, I-

Pinkie: I'll save you, Quickster!

She stretches her front hooves to try and save Rainbow, but is pulled along with her.

Celestia: I'll cool you off, Quickster, with one of my water spells!

She concentrates on her horn and shoots a wet spell.

Fluttershy: No, wait, I'm not The Quickster, I'm Captain Mag!...ma.

She gets turned to dust by the water spell and coughs.

Rarity: Well, I guess it's up to me.

She turns invisible, still leaving hoofprints in the sand.

Rarity: I'll sneak over, unseen, and catch those ruffians by surprise.

She falls off a cliff while doing so.

Rarity: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAHH!

An explosion can be seen from the cliff as the white unicorn hits the ground.

Applejack: You varmints are about to get a taste of this!

She shoots a rock at them with her kick, but it ricochets off a tree and shoots toward her.

Applejack: Oh, sh-

She is flattened by the large boulder.

Twilight: But…this doesn't make sense! By Starswirl the Bearded's philosophy, we should've beat them already! Nothing equals out mathematically! Nothing…

She collapses to the ground, her brain overloaded with information.

Rainbow Dash: GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!

When she stops, she is nothing but a pair of horseshoes with smoke coming out of them.

Rainbow Dash: Whew! Glad that's over!

E.V.I.L opens their eyes and looks at the remains of the Elements of Harmony as Princess Celestia falls backwards.

Luna: We did it…We won! This day belongs to E.V.I.L! You've lost, my sister, and the Good vs. Evil rules say that you have to give in to my demands.

Celestia: Okay…what do you want?

Queen Changeling: World domination! Tell her we want world domination!

King Sombra: Crystals…

Queen Chrysalis stares at him.

King Sombra: In addition to the…domination thing.

Luna: Number one, I want to be treated like a princess, not a pawn. Number two, I want to be called Queen Luna. And three…

Queen Chrysalis: Come on, world domination…

Luna: …I want an adult-sized cupcake.

Chrysalis and Sombra stare at Luna in disbelief.

King Sombra: Did you hear her say anything about crystals?

Luna: Need a hoof…sister?

They both start to get tears in their eyes as Luna helps her big sister up.

Celestia: Good to have you back on the side of good, Luna. Let's go get you that cupcake!

King Sombra: Was that it? Ohh, that's sickening.

Queen Chrysalis: Oh, this reminds me of the time I went to Las Pegasus with the family. Oh, they had these papaya drinks…

King Sombra: Ohh, in the name of Equestria, shut up!

Back at Sugarcube Corner, Luna and Celestia are sitting at a table outside, Luna enjoying a delicious delicacy of the Cake's bakery.

Celestia: How is that adult-sized cupcake treating you, _Queen _Luna?

Luna: Actually, it's pretty big. I'm not sure if I can finish the whole thing.

Celestia and Luna burst out laughing, the injured Mane 6 joining in. Even Spike, who is still at Make-Out Point is chuckling. King Sombra and Queen Chrysalis are guffawing from the dungeon, and Lauren Faust finishes making out with herself and joins the laughter.

**Spongebob Squarepants belongs to Stephen Hillenburg and Viacom.**

**My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic belongs to Lauren Faust and Hasbro.**


	2. Chapter 2

Pinkie Pie: WHAT'S IN THOSE BAGS?!


End file.
